A Transsexual Man's Story

sothrthegreat: I feel like I have to try harder to be and look masculine around people I’m not...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:23:52 -0400

I feel like I have to try harder to be and look masculine around people I’m not stealth to. As if I have to prove to them that I am, in fact, a man.

Sometimes I feel like I’m under a microscope and if I do something wrong, they’ll forget or reject that I’m a man.

I don’t worry about it with people who don’t know.

It’s exhausting and I’m probably being illogical.

I thought I was the only one who felt like this. At work or something I don’t feel the need to act hyper-masculine because no one knows me there and no one would ever be like “you’re not actually a dude.” Then when I’m with people I know (not all but many) I feel like I have to act a certain way. I feel as if I have to prove myself, I find this is especially true around other guys (both cis and trans actually)

GUYS. HELP.

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:12:18 -0400

giant-giraffes-xoxo:

I just realized that I have no idea how to dress up as a man. I’ve only ever been formal/dressy in situations where I had to be feminine. I really want to look dapper as fuck when I have to dress up. When do you wear a tux? What about just nice pants and a jacket? Vests? Ties? And sizes? I don’t understand! Help me :( I feel like a little boy…

It depends on what the event it. Generally, a tux is a bit much unless you’re going to prom, getting married, or are part of a wedding party, etc. A suit might sometimes be too much too, again it depends on the event/situation.

Where are you going? I can try to help if I know the event.

Ran into a girl from high school the other night

Tue, 21 May 2013 11:23:17 -0400

Me: Hey, how are you?
Her: Good, what happened to your voice?
Me: I grew up and it got deep (I was drunk and thought it was a good way to explain it)
Her: Do you have a cold?
Me: No
Her: Oh, it sounds like it.

Choosing a name

Mon, 20 May 2013 11:37:59 -0400

fuckyeahftms:

Hey guys, I was wondering if you could share some stories about how you came to choose your name. I’ve been having a lot of trouble with it since I see it as a really important decision and commitment to make. I’d really enjoy reading other people’s experiences with this, and I’d like to add that I’m not seeking advice — just personal thoughts on the matter. Thanks :)

When I first started to transition I wanted my Mom to choose my new name but she wouldn’t so I just thought about names I liked. I wanted something that would still suit me as I got older. I knew that my Mom said she gave us names that were “normal names” but not common.

However after about two years of transition my Mom gave me permission to legally change my name. I asked her if she wanted a son named Keith and she said “it wouldn’t be my first choice.” I asked her what her first choice would be and she said she didn’t know. We talked for a bit about finding a name together.

She asked me if there were any other names I would consider going by. I said the only other one I liked was William (which had been my middle name) She liked the idea of me being named after her Dad and liked it better than Keith. So we made that decision.

I’m really glad about my name. I could have lived with Keith (I like it) but having my Mom have a say made it awesome.

: I need some help.

Mon, 20 May 2013 11:27:24 -0400

: I need some help. :

statesand-minds:

I’ve been on T for over 4 months now and I haven’t had any significant changes really. the only differences are that I’ve had a slight increase in facial/leg hair growth, and downstairs growth. I started on one pump of Axrion gel everyday for a month and didn’t experience any changes and then told…

If you want to give her a frame of reference I started on a very low dose and was moved up. I started on .25mg every two weeks, in three months went up to .5mg every two weeks, now .75 mg every two weeks and over the next 5 months I’ll slowly be going up to 1mg every two weeks.

Starting low is normal but she should be checking your T levels and figuring out where you should be.

i-am-matlocked: journeyintomanhood: its-diego: journeyintomanh...

Sun, 19 May 2013 17:48:22 -0400

i-am-matlocked:

journeyintomanhood:

its-diego:

journeyintomanhood:

i-am-matlocked:

meinpublic.jpg

Not sure if offensive to lesbians, trans men, or both.

(my vote is on both)

None of them.

It actually happens a lot that pre-T you get mistaken for a lesbian, that’s what makes it funny. But you won’t have to worry about that anymore once they will let you start T.

Having a short haircut nowadays doesn’t define someone’s gender anymore, because there are so many girls who wear their hair like that that you can’t really tell them apart anymore, and it will leave you feeling less awkward towards your family.

It’s actually still offensive/rude. It’s not acceptable to say that trans men look like lesbians and therefore women. It’s rude and can make people feel really bad about themselves. I used to be told all the time that I “look like a lesbian” and that makes me feel shitty. Also, many straight women have short hair and many lesbian women have long hair. There are straight women who are more “masculine” and lesbians who are more “feminine.” No one can spot a lesbian or a trans guy. There is no one way to look like a lesbian or one way to look like a trans guy. Everyone looks different. This “joke” is just perpetuating the stereotypes that people can identify lesbians, can identify trans men, and that trans men look like lesbians.

It’s not funny.

Yeah, it’d be terrible to be mistaken for a woman or a lesbian, because women and lesbians are terrib-WAIT A MINUTE!!

(Turn down the internalized homophobia and misogyny, kid, it is not sexy in the least)

First thanks for the patronizing tones. Perhaps if you were willing to have a mature, respectful conversation I’d be more willing to listen.

I’m not saying that it is wrong to be a woman or that women are in any way inferior to men. I make a strong effort to be educated on women’s issues and if you would like to explain to me how exactly saying it’s not respectful to call someone something they are not.

I in no way intended on implying that women are inferior to men. Trans* people (men, women, and others) deserve to be respected as the gender we are not the one people had decided we should be based on our genitals. All I was trying to say is that the original post was disrespectful.

Again, as someone who is tries to not be sexist if someone wants to explain further why what I said was wrong please do.

its-diego: journeyintomanhood: i-am-matlocked: meinpublic.jpg ...

Sun, 19 May 2013 14:49:57 -0400

its-diego:

journeyintomanhood:

i-am-matlocked:

meinpublic.jpg

Not sure if offensive to lesbians, trans men, or both.

(my vote is on both)

None of them.

It actually happens a lot that pre-T you get mistaken for a lesbian, that’s what makes it funny. But you won’t have to worry about that anymore once they will let you start T.

Having a short haircut nowadays doesn’t define someone’s gender anymore, because there are so many girls who wear their hair like that that you can’t really tell them apart anymore, and it will leave you feeling less awkward towards your family.

It’s actually still offensive/rude. It’s not acceptable to say that trans men look like lesbians and therefore women. It’s rude and can make people feel really bad about themselves. I used to be told all the time that I “look like a lesbian” and that makes me feel shitty. Also, many straight women have short hair and many lesbian women have long hair. There are straight women who are more “masculine” and lesbians who are more “feminine.” No one can spot a lesbian or a trans guy. There is no one way to look like a lesbian or one way to look like a trans guy. Everyone looks different. This “joke” is just perpetuating the stereotypes that people can identify lesbians, can identify trans men, and that trans men look like lesbians.

It’s not funny.

I smile, yet it rarely reaches my eyes: I’m so confused when it comes to Toby being transgender. She asked to...

Sun, 19 May 2013 13:49:35 -0400

I smile, yet it rarely reaches my eyes: I’m so confused when it comes to Toby being transgender. She asked to...:

smiling-through-misery:

I’m so confused when it comes to Toby being transgender. She asked to be called by a masculine name (she was called Taylah, now Toby), she has started saying things (just to me) like ‘you know how us guys are’ and ‘we can go do our guy thing and you can go do whatever girls do’ and I’m getting…

I really think you need to talk to Toby. Ask what pronouns and name they want you to call them. If they’re not out to everyone it might be a tricky situation. Maybe when you’re alone you use male pronouns but with others you use female ones? It’s all up to Toby really and you need to talk to them.

It might be a hard adjustment for you to accept that you’re now dating a man, not a woman. It will probably take time and A LOT of communication between you and your partner. If you want to talk more feel free to message me.

i-am-matlocked: meinpublic.jpg Not sure if offensive to...

Sun, 19 May 2013 13:31:10 -0400

i-am-matlocked:

meinpublic.jpg

Not sure if offensive to lesbians, trans men, or both.

(my vote is on both)

Three weeks ago this shirt could barely button up over my hips...

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:14:15 -0400

Three weeks ago this shirt could barely button up over my hips and stomach. I am very proud of myself. I know it’s partly because of testosterone changing the shape of my hips but most of it is because of my efforts to live healthy for the past seven months.

You're Not Stuck In Traffic; You Are Traffic: Ahhh, so, prom is coming up in a few weeks, after exams.I have a...

Fri, 17 May 2013 20:30:35 -0400

You're Not Stuck In Traffic; You Are Traffic: Ahhh, so, prom is coming up in a few weeks, after exams.I have a...:

haveyouevercriedwolf:

Ahhh, so, prom is coming up in a few weeks, after exams.

I have a suit, but it’s a pretty cheap off-the-rack one, my mum said she’d be willing to pay for a pretty well fitting one, since I’ll need one during/after uni for formal events and interviews and crap.

So - advice for suits to fit a…

For my prom I went to get fitted properly. I didn’t tell the guy I was trans or anything. He did make comments about my hips and how my body shape was different, etc but he was able to help me

Whether or not the tailor knows your trans as long as you tell them you want a men’s suit they will be able to do it. They work with a lot of people who have a lot of different body shapes and styles.

I strongly suggest seeing a tailor though instead of trying to do it yourself. (I was surprised at how well he was able to get the suit to fit me)

robertstarkjr: I have an odd question does anyone know if they make swimsuits for transmen who...

Fri, 17 May 2013 01:44:02 -0400

robertstarkjr:

I have an odd question

does anyone know if they make swimsuits for transmen who haven’t gotten top surgery yet?

I wear swim trunks, I just didn’t know if there was an option for a top other than having to wear a tshirt or tank top.

underworks does

Information for Parents of Trans* People

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:51:09 -0400

Many parents struggle when their child tells them they are trans*. A lot parents go through the “stages of grief.” These stages can be tough for everyone. While some parents will be unwilling to learn anything many parents just need some direction and help. So here is a list of books, websites, and other information they might need or that might help them understand.

Books and Other Reading Material

The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Stephanie A. Brill and Rachel Pepper [buy on amazon]
True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism for Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley [summary here]
Mom, I need to be a Girl by Just Evelyn [PDF here]
Our Trans Children by the Transgender Network of PFLAG [PDF here]
Why Don’t You Tell Them I’m a Boy? Raising a Gender Non-Conforming Child by Florence Dillon [PDF here]
Gender Born, Gender Made: Raising Healthy Gender Non-Conforming Children by Diane Ehrensaft [buy on amazon]
Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents by Irwin Krieger [buy on amazon]

Websites and Blogs

Documentaries/Television Specials

My Secret Self: A Story of Transgender Children
Living a Transgender Childhood
The Story of Jazz
I Am Jazz: A Family in Transition
Becoming Me
Transgender Children on Tyra [part 1, 2, 3, and 4]

This list is by no means complete. Feel free to add any information or suggestions.

being trans isn't my whole life. but right now its a big part of my life because, i'm still in the process of trying to become finally happy with myself physically/mentally and emotionally. 10 years from now hopefully being trans does not have to take over my life as much as it does now in the present. Hopefully in 10 years i'll be happy, and satisfied with my body.

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:13:27 -0400

Very well said.

A Transsexual Man's Story: Trans guys and Lesbians

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:54:27 -0400

A Transsexual Man's Story: Trans guys and Lesbians :

wildjesse:

journeyintomanhood:

Something that bothers me a lot is trans men trying to enter lesbian spaces/groups/etc or really any women’s spaces. Partly it bothers me because I don’t want more people to be convinced that trans men “are actually women” but that isn’t the main reason.

The main reason it bothers me is because…

Although I respect this person’s opinion, I respectfully disagree with this. Yes, I feel like people are entitled to have spaces where a group of people can signify their pride in their identities. However, I feel like you can still be an ally or an active member of a community without identifying as such. The way this person put it was sort of parallel to the idea that allies can’t be in a GLBT space, which sounds a lot like exclusion to me. If that’s not the case, then this post should be disregarded. I will, however, stick to my belief that those who support certain groups should not be excluded from groups. They may not understand what it’s like to be trans, or a person of color, or gay/lesbian/bi/pan, or a certain religion, but they understand the beauty of equality and how important it is for us to treat each other as equals. If anything, being around diverse groups of people helps strengthen the importance of equality and helps people become aware of another person’s struggles and spread said awareness to others. Granted, I understand that there are a lot of naive, ignorant, and intolerant people out there, but that doesn’t mean that everyone who doesn’t identify with a smaller group of people (I hate saying minority because it’s degrading) acts that way. Before judging people for going into a certain area, check yourself, get to know them, and figure out why they’re there before instantly writing them off for being different and existing (just like you).. I give this person kudos for expressing himself though. Everyone deserves that.

The post is not about allies. I love allies. I support having spaces where allies can come to as well however what I mean is when we’re talking about women-only/lesbian-only/POC-only/etc spaces. Such as forums, real life groups, events, etc. These spaces are created for a reason and entering them is not right.

I do not want someone who is non-POC to enter my POC only space for example or a cis person, no matter how good of an ally to enter a trans*-only group.

I attend a youth group for queer youth and their allies. Those spaces are awesome too but not what I’m talking about. There are exclusive spaces for a reason and those spaces need to be respected.

Job Hunting as a Pre-T Transman

Wed, 15 May 2013 11:55:43 -0400

ajshmayjay:

I pass and maybe that’s the problem. When I interview it always goes well but when it’s time to disclose my name difference I almost never get a call back. This is getting old as fuck. UGH /: makes me resent being trans.

What I’ve always done, unless I had to show ID at the interview (like my current job) is wait until they’ve already hired me. You could try not disclosing until they’ve already given you the job.

Trans guys and Lesbians

Wed, 15 May 2013 11:22:04 -0400

Something that bothers me a lot is trans men trying to enter lesbian spaces/groups/etc or really any women’s spaces. Partly it bothers me because I don’t want more people to be convinced that trans men “are actually women” but that isn’t the main reason.

The main reason it bothers me is because men should not try to enter women’s-only spaces. I don’t like when cisgender people attempt to enter trans*-only spaces or when non-POC people try to enter POC spaces. Those spaces are rare and important to the people they are created for.

I know what it feels like to leave a community behind. I honestly found a lot of support in the lesbian community, both online and in real life. I was a member of a few different lesbian forums and mostly just got to talk to some cool people about different stuff. People who cared. However, I had to realize that it was time to step away from those spaces because I am a man. I am not a lesbian or a woman. I am a man and do not belong in those spaces. Those women are looking for a space to themselves and I am taking that away by being there.

It’s hard to leave a community, any community, that provided you with support. While I was never a lesbian, I did find help and reassurance there. I found acceptance from older people who acted in a motherly way about bullying and other issues. I found help that I didn’t have anywhere else. I had to leave and it was hard. However, like any other man (cis or trans) I did not belong there.

So trans men, I urge you to remember that you are taking away something important to a group of people when entering women-only and/or lesbian-only spaces. They are not for you, it might be hard to move on but they are not for you.

blals: has anyone ordered anything from the self made men? do you guys know if they’re reliable and...

Wed, 15 May 2013 01:30:39 -0400

blals:

has anyone ordered anything from the self made men? do you guys know if they’re reliable and if i’m gonna get what i order and in a timely fashion and stuff?

The first time I ordered from them I got my order within the time they said with no problems. The second time however my product took a week a longer than they said it would and it was not what I ordered. I e-mailed the and they got back to me saying they would ship my product. However I didn’t get anything. About a couple weeks later they sent me another e-mail saying they couldn’t find my order and asked for the details. I sent them the details but I have not heard back yet.

wildheartscantbebroken: FtM are so beautiful (◕‿◕✿) What makes us any more beautiful than...

Wed, 15 May 2013 01:13:57 -0400

wildheartscantbebroken:

FtM are so beautiful (◕‿◕✿)

What makes us any more beautiful than cisgender guys?

Work and Stealth Update

Tue, 14 May 2013 13:03:38 -0400

I’ve been working a lot these past few weeks (which is good because I need money) and I have been passing completely. A lot of anxiety that I had the first week on the floor has gone away. I was nervous meeting all the new people. I was worried someone from my high school would work there or I wouldn’t pass to someone. I’ve had no problems which is great.

I have already become stronger so I’m not as embarrassed as often when lifting stuff. I’m still not as strong as all the guys I work with but I’m getting there.

However,I’m afraid someone is going to come in to the store and out me. If I know someone who comes in and they use female pronouns I could get around that because everyone says the wrong thing sometimes but I have no idea how I would handle being called my birth name. If a co-worker heard, I don’t know what I would do.